


All The Things Left Unsaid

by SanneHale



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, JaliceWeek21 (Twilight), Road Trips, better late than never I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanneHale/pseuds/SanneHale
Summary: After the near miss on Bella’s birthday, Jasper needs to spend some time away from the family. Alice isn’t about to let him leave on his own.Written for Jaliceweek21. Day 1: Road Trip. Canon-ish.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale
Kudos: 12
Collections: Jalice Week - February 2021





	All The Things Left Unsaid

The scent of her blood washed over him the moment he opened the door. Someone had tried to scrub the floor clean with bleach, but it didn’t hide the scent completely. Jasper’s muscles tightened as he stared at the spot where Bella had bled just hours before.

_He wanted it._

He knew he shouldn’t. He knew it was a terrible thing to even think, but _god_ her blood called to him, promising to quench the burning that had been in his throat for ages and ages. If Edward hadn’t been so fast, if Emmett hadn’t been so strong…

Alice pulled him along, interrupting his thoughts. They ran through the living room, to the kitchen, where the scent of blood wasn’t as prominent. But Bella had been around often. Too often. Before Edward started dating the human, his house had been a safe haven, a place where he could let his guard down, but now… He tried hunting as often as he could, but with the scent of human blood in the house it only reminded him of the thing he could no longer have.

The others were waiting for them. Carlisle and Esme sat next to each other at the large table. Rosalie stood behind them, arms crossed. Emmett leaned against the wall, for once not a hint of a smile on his face. Only Edward was missing. No one spoke, which made their concern all the more apparent. Jasper said the only thing he could think of to break the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

He wanted to add more, but he didn’t know what. He had taken every precaution he could think of and it hadn’t been enough. Admitting he simply wasn’t strong enough, expressing that he was still struggling, even now, with the scent of Bella’s blood polluted by bleach, was something he didn’t want to do. He might tell Alice, later, when his mind was no longer clouded, when the thirst was as good as sated and when everything was just a memory. But not now. Not in front of the others.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Rosalie said. She opened her mouth, ready to add something else, but closed it the moment Carlisle shook his head.

“It could have been any of us.” Esme whispered, her hurt cutting through Jasper like a knife. Although it was barely discussed, Esme struggled just as much as the others.

“But it _wasn’t_ ,” Jasper said. “It was me.” It was always him. For the past fifteen years every move, every accident, every close call had been his. However, as he felt Esme’s pain at just the thought of hurting Bella, Jasper was almost glad. He hated being the weakest link, but he rather he screwed up than Esme.

“It will get better,” Carlisle promised. “You’ve already grown so much. Don’t let this setback define you.”

Jasper nodded once, although he wasn’t quite sure he agreed. He had just stretched it to hunting every two weeks when Bella came along, but now he was hunting once or twice a week and he had still lunged himself at her over a mere paper cut. How could he admit that is control was getting _worse_ instead of better?

Carlisle looked at Alice. “How’s Edward doing?”

Alice grimaced. “I’m not sure.” She closed her eyes for just a moment. “He’s undecided… He might want to leave, although -”

“Great,” Rosalie muttered through her teeth.

“He won’t be able to stay away for long anyways, whatever he decides.” Alice sounded more confident.

“We need to take precautions,” Carlisle said. “How can we make sure nothing like this happens again?”

Jasper wished he had ideas to share. But he had _tried_. He had tried hunting as often as he could. He had kept his distance. Every time the thirst became too much, he had held his breath and left. There was nothing he could do except leave. He hadn’t wanted to do that to Alice and now he had made everything worse. He should have talked to her. He should have talked to Carlisle.

“We’ll just have to hunt more often,” Esme offered.

“And keep Bella away from presents,” Emmett added with a sly grin. Rosalie rolled her eyes but was incapable of hiding her amusement from Jasper. The feeling only lasted a second.

Jasper knew he would have to leave for a while. He couldn’t keep doing this. Even now, feeling his family’s worry, knowing how devastated Edward was, he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t lunge himself at Bella the moment she walked through the door. Every moment around her was dangerous and her scent was _everywhere_. She came to the house almost every day. She entered every single room. She sat in every car but Rosalie’s. Wherever he went, he was surrounded by her blood and if he didn’t leave soon, he would simply snap.

Maybe he could find Peter and Charlotte, travel with them for a while. They, at least, weren’t worried about his shaky control. He wouldn’t have humans around. He wouldn’t be tempted all the time. They could just travel around, catch up. And if he were to slip-up when traveling with them, there wouldn’t be any repercussions. Hell, it might even help him. Maybe, if he finally quenched his thirst for real, he wouldn’t have that much trouble with having Bella around for the next couple of months. It might be better for everyone. Peter and Charlotte wouldn’t mind hunting with him. It would hurt of course, it always did, but what were the emotions of one human compared to the horror of his family if he killed Bella? And his gift had gotten stronger over the years. He might be able to put the human to sleep, he might be able to take away any emotion before -

“Don’t you dare,” Alice hissed. Jasper flinched. He hadn’t realized how fixed his plans had gotten. Their eyes met for a moment. Alice’s distress disturbed him a great deal. What had she seen? Just the one human? Or more? If he had one – on purpose – would he be able to stop?

“What’s going on?” Emmett asked.

Alice didn’t reply. She kept staring at Jasper, still troubled. Jasper held his breath; the absence of Bella’s scent cleared his mind for just a moment. He tried to repeat the mantra he had been telling himself on and off for the last fifty years.

Human blood was not the solution.

It would only hurt Alice.

It would only disappoint his family.

It would only be more difficult to stop again.

_Sorry_ , he tried to tell her. He hated that she didn’t just see the terrible things he did, but also all those things he _could_ have done. He didn’t want to think of the distress he caused her tonight.

A tired smile appeared on her face. _It’s okay_ , it seemed to say, _I still love you_.

“What’s going on?” Emmett repeated, patient as always.

“Nothing,” Alice said. She looked up at Jasper. “We might leave for a bit, travel around. It has been a while.”

“That isn’t necessary,” Esme said. “No one needs to leave. It has been going well for months. This was just a minor set-back.”

“A set-back that almost got Edward’s human killed,” Jasper muttered, sharper than he intended.

Esme flinched and Jasper regretted his harsh words immediately.

“You still seem on edge,” Carlisle observed. “When did you hunt last?”

“Last night,” Jasper admitted. He forced himself to continue. “I’ve been going twice a week, but no amount of hunting seems to help.”

“You’re struggling.” Carlisle said.

“Of course, he’s struggling.” Rosalie interrupted. “The whole place _reeks_ of Edward’s little human. You can’t take a single breath without being assaulted by her scent.”

Jasper turned to her. Never in a million years would he have thought that _Rosalie_ of all people – I-have-never-tasted-a-drop-of-human-blood-Rosalie – would be the first to understand his struggle.

“Yeah, I get it,” Emmett said. “I mean, I can still smell the blood.”

Esme nodded. “I can imagine it hasn’t been easy.”

“We will be back,” Alice assured them. “We just need a bit of time.”

“Just be back soon,” Esme said.

“Of course.”

“Take my car,” Emmett said. Jasper grimaced. It was a nice offer, but just this weekend Edward and Bella had used his car to go hiking.

Emmett was about to move – to grab his keys, Jasper presumed – but Rosalie shook her head. “Take mine,” she said. She tossed her car keys at Alice. Her eyes traveled to Jaspers fists, which were clenched at his sides. “Just bring it back in one piece.”

“I’ll let Alice drive,” Jasper assured her. “Thanks.”

She nodded.

“I’ll grab us a change of clothes,” Alice said. “Why don’t you wait by the car?”

She didn’t wait for a reply as she rushed towards the stairs.

Jasper looked at Carlisle. “We’ll be back soon.”

“I know,” Carlisle said. “You’ll be missed. Just know that we can help you.”

Jasper looked at the others and muttered a goodbye as he all but fled the house.

Once outside, Jasper took a deep breath, trying to get some clean air in his lungs, but he was still too close to the house. He walked quickly to the garage. Although Bella had barely been in there, he wasn’t eager to enter. He knew very well that even the slightest hint of Bella’s scent would be a huge temptation and there was no one to keep watch.

He wasn’t supposed to be this thirsty… Perhaps he should have hunted while he waited for Bella to leave, but the thought of animal blood had almost been nauseating. The taste of deer blood sounded about as appealing as human food at the moment. And with the scent of Bella’s blood so vivid in his mind, no amount of animal blood would quench his thirst. When the glass had cut her arm open, he had almost been able to taste it on his tongue.

“Ready?” Alice hurried towards him. She had changed clothes and held a small sports bag in her hand.

“Ready.”

Jasper opened the garage door. They got into the car and Alice tossed the sports bag behind her. She adjusted her seat. It was almost comical how much she had to shove forward. Emmett must have been the last one to drive.

Once the doors were closed, Jasper leaned back against the seat. He felt his shoulders relax. He closed his eyes, breathing in the clean air.

“Rosalie knew what she was doing,” Alice noted as she drove off.

Jasper didn’t reply. She was right, of course, the car helped tons. But while the burn in his throat lessened, his guilt grew. He had tried to kill _Bella._ It was bad enough that she was Edward’s girlfriend. But she was also Alice’s friend. Alice’s _only_ friend. He opened his eyes.

“Did you see it?” he asked her.

She stared straight ahead. “I need to watch the road.”

It was all the reply he needed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but the words felt empty. “I’m _so_ sorry.” He hated that she knew all that he was capable of. If he had gotten to Bella, would they have managed to pull him away? It would have been nearly impossible. It was more likely that after a few moments of pure bliss she would have been dead in his arms.

He always knew he had more trouble controlling himself than the others. He knew he wasn’t as good at seeing all those humans as people. But he knew Bella. He _liked_ Bella. But when blood was spilled, it hadn’t made a difference.

Alice kept staring at the road. Her jaw was clenched, and Jasper could feel the hurt and regret she tried to hide. He knew there was nothing he could say to ease her suffering. He could lift it, for a while, but that would only be temporary. There was nothing he could do to change the past.

He turned his eyes away and looked at the road as well.

It was only then that Alice spoke. “I just wish you had told me you were struggling. We could have left, you know. Just the two of us. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Jasper sighed. “You were just so _happy_.”

The trees were almost a blur to his eyes as Alice pushed the car to its limits. He wasn’t sure where they were going. He only knew that Alice had avoided the town.

“I don’t want to be happy if it makes you miserable.” Alice whispered. Her voice was barely audible over the sound of the engine. Jasper didn’t what to say.

Once, in law school, during a class on conflict resolution, the professor had explained a simple exercise called the walk-and-talk. Whenever two parties were fighting, the two of them should take a walk together. When they walked, they were forced to look in the same direction, literally. Apparently, this could help during a difficult conversation. It made it easier to talk. Jasper had been quick to dismiss the notion. Just the thought of Rosalie and Edward resolving all of their conflicts by taking a walk every now and then seemed laughable. But now, as Alice took a deep breath and continued to explain, he wasn’t so sure. He kept his eyes on the road. 

“I’m not angry,” she said. “How could I be, when it could have been any of us?” She made a sound that was almost a laugh. “Every time Bella came over it was a risk. I knew that. Today was no exception. The exact way in which it happened was a surprise, but the possibilities were there. And in a lot of those futures, it wasn’t you. It was me. Esme. Emmett. Edward. Most of those futures were gone within seconds. I just assumed, since I kept seeing Bella as a vampire, the chances of something _actually_ happening were miniscule.”

Jasper would always be thankful for her gift - without it, they wouldn’t have met – but he wished it wasn’t such a burden. How often had she seen her best friend die? How often had he killed her? How often had she? He didn’t dare to ask. “I’m sorry you had to see those things.” He said instead. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Everyone seemed so _happy_ ,” she said. Then she laughed. “We’re hopeless, aren’t we?”

“Maybe a little,” Jasper grinned. He looked at her. The tension had disappeared from her shoulders and there was a softness in her smile he hadn’t seen in a while.

She turned on the radio. I took her moment to recognize the song, but when she did, she sang along softly. If Jasper wasn’t such a terrible singer, he might have joined in, but for now he felt content to listen.

He looked at the road ahead. He wasn’t sure where they were going. He didn’t ask. As long as Alice was with him, he would be alright. 

**Author's Note:**

> Even though Jaliceweek has been over for a couple of weeks, this was the scene I imagined for day 1 and it just wouldn't leave me alone. There might be a second part, one day, but since it can take me months to find the time to write a chapter, this seemed like the natural stopping point. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it :) Any feedback is more than welcome! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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